Question: Is It Possible for Catholics and Adventists to Date?


I have a friend who is Seventh-day Adventist, and I must admit, I have taken a liking to him. Do you think we could make it work despite our differences? Please, be honest.


As a general rule, the Catholic Church does not exclude such relationships, but neither does she encourage them. I must admit though, I see less reason for optimism in a Catholic-Adventist dating relationship.

There are certain dynamics that could make any relationship impossible: discomfort with, fear of, or animosity towards, some aspect of the other person, deep-seated skepticism of the other's capacities, rivalry and contention between parties, stress of divided loyalties or conflicting responsibilities, the belief they have little to gain or learn from the other, etc. (A good many divorcees could check off a few factors on that list.) Unfortunately, these are precisely the dynamics that can manifest themselves in an interfaith relationship, especially a Catholic-Adventist relationship. For instance, many Adventists fear Catholicism (childhood stories of martyrdom under a Sunday law), feel animosity or enmity towards it (The Great Controversy, 563 encourages Protestants to "abhor popery"), may be disturbed by its visible manifestations (rosaries, crucifixes), may question their partner's clarity of understanding or commitment to Bible truth, may strive over the education of children, may feel uncomfortable with their partner paying tithe to the Catholic Church, etc. They may also feel the Catholic party has nothing spiritually meaningful to share with, or teach, them. More often than not, all of the above may be true. In a culture of such distrust and division, even if both parties were of the same faith, it is difficult to see how such a relationship could survive.

I always tell of one instance in which I asked a former girlfriend, "Did you ever wonder whether in the end-times, under the Sunday Law, I would turn against you and kill you?"

"Absolutely." She responded. Needless to say, so crippling a fear as death doesn't quite encourage a healthy relationship.

Now, there are Adventists whom a Catholic could successfully date: namely, those not prone to these fears and dynamics. More often than not, these Adventists simply do not share historic Adventist beliefs or attitudes towards the Catholic faith, at least not to the same degree as most Adventists (that is, they may be quite moderate or progressive in their Adventism, or they may have abandoned their Adventist identity by and large). Other times, they may simply tolerate certain elements in good faith that the Catholic party will eventually "come around" and "see the light" (they may very well assume you are not "too Catholic"). Both have their potential weaknesses. The former may lack a certain level of spiritual commitment more generally (a devout Catholic will want a spiritual spouse). The latter may eventually prove less tolerant or committed to the relationship when it is clear the Catholic party is still far from eventually "coming around." And never forget, "success" can be fleeting; some issues may lie dormant under the surface, only to be raised at a later stage (e.g., education of children).

For all these reasons, and after my experience in a few such dating relationships, I honestly find it difficult to imagine a Catholic-Adventist dating relationship leading to an ultimate, happy, and healthy marriage. At least, that has been my experience. Still, I would not eliminate the possibility of exceptions to this rule. I believe it is far more important to treat these relationships on a case-by-case basis, than simply eliminate them against a stark, general standard. For those in such relationships, I would render prayer and encouragement long before expressing and exploring my doubts. If the relationship becomes more serious, it would be very helpful to seek pastoral guidance from a priest.


Yours,
Hugo Mendez