Question: I always end up fighting with my Adventist friend. What can I do?



Sometimes when we are discussing things that are near to our hearts, we naturally get emotional.  When you add disagreement and genuine concern for another person, its only natural that it sometimes turns into a fight or  argument, however, this is the last thing that both parties generally want to happen. Here are a few suggestions on how to limit "fighting" and create light rather than "heat".

1.  If the talks come up without being planned ahead of time, immediately choose a specific topic to discuss that you are comfortable with and let the other party know that you feel it is important to stick to one topic of discussion at a time.  If another subject comes up, just politely explain that you would love to talk about it, but you would prefer to do it at a later time so that you can talk about the current subject more fully.

2.  Let your friend know that you will only talk if they are willing to do so without accusations, unsubstantiated claims, or ad hominem (personal) attacks.  If your friend makes a statement that you find hard to believe, tell them that before you accept the statement, you would like some documentation from an authoritative source.. i.e. Catechism or papal/council documents.

3.  If you are not able to discuss things without it getting emotional, let your friend know that you would like to continue the talks but that you would like to do so via letters or e-mails.  This will allow both of you to look at the real issues, without being in the position of having to give an immediate or emotional response.  This method also allows you to provide each other with documentation of your beliefs or objections more completely through links or documents.

Most importantly, spend time studying the subjects you talk about in scripture, online, and in discussion with a trusted Catholic friend.  This coupled with prayer for your conversations and the other person can make both of you feel more comfortable with talking openly and honestly without getting upset.  

If you ever need assistance researching or learning about anything specific, please feel free to contact one of the contributors of this website, and take a look at the links.


- Tara Ogden